I just lost my best friend. Again. Because I was in love with him and he didn't reciprocate. And this has been going on for 5 years. And fuck, shit, piss, damn. Honestly. And he just deleted my number from his phone. And how in the hell did it devolve to this? What happened in the last month? I just want my best friend back. But not the way it was. Because that sucked. I don't even know what I want. When have I ever? I got my heart broken for the first time. And this fucking sucks. This is why I never said anything. This is why I break things off early. Because i don't ever want to feel like this. EVER. Because this is the worst. And now all I want to do is curl up with crappy romance or maybe some blood-guts-and carnage to make myself feel better. Along with some ice cream. With chocolate sauce. Jesus Christ this sucks. Essentially I'm freaking out right now. Because I'm angry for no reason and so is he. And we managed to hurt each other again. I never wanted it to come to this. I don't know what to do now. If this is how M felt then I totally understand why he was so mad at me and why we don't speak any more. It's too hard.

Side note, found a really good violinist today. I always loved string instruments. And he's amazing. So there's that?